It aint over until the Orca sings!

Today I woke up to a fairly decent newbie-trained Catalyst on one of my alt accounts. The beauty of destroyers is that you can put out a lot of hurt with very little time investment, so I selected a mask on the wall and set off to find an audience for my divine comedy.

I immediately was taken in by this startup corporation looking for industrialists. I told them I was a hulk alt looking for a laid back corp to mine high sec ore with, provided they had orca boosts. From the conversation, I got the impression that the guy was overly ecstatic that someone in a mining ship bigger than a shit-fit bantam was interested in his oh-so-enticing offer of asteroid belt adventures. So he immediately accepted my application, and I convinced him to go on a 'mining op' in his home region, whereupon I would supply the Hulk, and he would supply the Orca boosts.

A note to corporate recruiters, this guy was making all the classic mistakes. Didn't give two shits about corp history, API, who my main was, if I could even fly a fucking hulk to begin with (I can't, if you couldn't already tell), and didn't even have the smarts to check his members tab to see if what was flying to his home system was, in fact, a mining barge, and not a destroyer. I started to actually get the impression that this was going to be Too Easy(tm) and I was being troll baited into a trap. Nevertheless, with little to lose and a quickly-established persona within the corp and the tiny alliance it had just joined, I pressed on.

Eventually, we get to his home space, and I let him know that once he's in a belt I'll warp to him. Instead, he figures it'll be best if I go first, so I mention that I'm warping in with a smaller ship first to scan the belt and clear out rats, as to not alarm him if he picks up Catalyst on d-scan. Sure enough, once I give the signal, it popped up on my overview. An Orca was landing in the belt.

Knowing his fit, his entire tank consisted of a t2 mshield booster in the mids, which wouldn't slow down a catalyst anymore than shooting paper airplanes at a freight train would. Immediately tackling him and engaging him, it actually took him well longer than it should have to realize the deception that had been played on him.


[ 2012.04.08 21:04:51 ] seth ritch9 > go to a belt
[ 2012.04.08 21:04:52 ] seth ritch9 > ill warp to you
[ 2012.04.08 21:05:49 ] Touchfuzzy Getdizzy > okay, ill go scout one out.
[ 2012.04.08 21:06:30 ] seth ritch9 > ok
[ 2012.04.08 21:06:31 ] seth ritch9 > gl
[ 2012.04.08 21:06:47 ] seth ritch9 > fonz when u get to misha just warp to me
[ 2012.04.08 21:06:52 ] seth ritch9 > you can refit your ship with my orca
[ 2012.04.08 21:08:33 ] seth ritch9 > tell me when
[ 2012.04.08 21:08:34 ] Touchfuzzy Getdizzy > okay, this one looks good, im at a good spot to start mining
[ 2012.04.08 21:08:37 ] Touchfuzzy Getdizzy > warp to me
[ 2012.04.08 21:08:42 ] seth ritch9 > okey
[ 2012.04.08 21:08:44 ] seth ritch9 > :)
[ 2012.04.08 21:08:52 ] seth ritch9 > dont freak out when a big ass ship nearly hits you
[ 2012.04.08 21:09:07 ] seth ritch9 > :3
[ 2012.04.08 21:09:10 ] seth ritch9 > on the way
[ 2012.04.08 21:09:11 ] Touchfuzzy Getdizzy > okay
[ 2012.04.08 21:10:06 ] seth ritch9 > warping
[ 2012.04.08 21:10:44 ] Fonz Deninard > UGHHHHHHHHH 9 more jumps
[ 2012.04.08 21:10:58 ] seth ritch9 > beautiful ship
[ 2012.04.08 21:11:27 ] seth ritch9 > .... i gues ur going to kill me : /?

 

That's right, genius. Immediately after posting that message, he must have thrown his keyboard and ripped the cords out of the wall, because he dropped offline for the rest of the engagement. I get a little bit of a kick whenever anyone does this, because it's entirely an emotional reaction. Sensibly, logging off would accomplish nothing, so rather than try and spend the 5 minutes it took to actually dps his structure to 0 in an attempt to save his ship, or even barter for it with me, he just decided to resign his fate in a 'if I don't see it happen, it won't be as bad' mentality. I'm a little disappointed, honestly, because me being me, I'd rather have made the a bounty than see the orca get popped.

After the ship popped, I salvaged what I could and popped the wreck. Then, in fleet, his buddy asks me why he's gone offline in the first place, and I think up some quick magic.

[ 2012.04.08 21:14:52 ] Fonz Deninard > Wheres seth?
[ 2012.04.08 21:15:49 ] Fonz Deninard > ?
[ 2012.04.08 21:16:16 ] Touchfuzzy Getdizzy > he said he got his dick stuck in gatorade bottle but he said he'd be back
[ 2012.04.08 21:21:10 ] Fonz Deninard > wtf?.... k
[ 2012.04.08 21:21:14 ] Fonz Deninard > 3 more jumps
[ 2012.04.08 21:21:18 ] Touchfuzzy Getdizzy > cool

Eventually, his newbie zerg-invited buddy of a corpmate lands in system, warps to me at 0, and I pop his little rookie ship and his pod. Corp chat gets pretty heated fairly fast, and the orca pilot decides to play the 'no big deal, I can buy like 5 orcas its just a minor setback' card we've seen so often in an attempt to convince me that I've wasted my time. What's ironic is the most angered of all of them was the newbie pilot, who apparently felt so horrifically violated that one of his brothers in arms shot him to pieces in space. The interesting dynamic however, is that whenever these ventures go down for me, I always manage to leave on somewhat amicable terms. I let them know that I've made them a stronger corporation, and that they now know to audit their member selection more carefully, rather than risk another undesirable like myself. They actually thank me, I top up on fuel in my catalyst, and set off in search of another audience. And the space opera continues.